I can't wait to make this for the next dinner party I have for people I hate

This one almost seems like a joke. Like someone made it just to see if anyone would actually eat it, then laughed, silently and painfully, in the closet, while the too-polite neighbor choked it down.

Cottage Noodle Casserole
Salt (How much? A teaspoon? A jar? Until your blood dries up?)
3 qt. boiling water
8 oz. wide egg noodles
1 env. cream of leek soup mix (I don't even know where to go to buy this. Was this a well-known and widespread item in 1971?)
1/4 c. butter or margarine
1/4 tsp. pepper
1/4 tsp. dry mustard
2 c. milk
2 c. cream-style cottage cheese
1 c. grated sharp cheddar cheese

Okay, at this point, it doesn't seem so bad, right? Not delicious, but not awful. I could see this working together.

Wait wait. There's more.

1/4 c. raisins
1 1-lb can applesauce

You have gone completely off the rails, recipe.

Add 1 tablespoon salt to boiling water and add noodles gradually so that water continues to boil.

You know it's a bad sign when the recipe starts out by telling you how to boil noodles so as not to fuck them up.

Cook, stirring occasionally, until tender and drain in a colander.

Dammit! I was going to pour them into my pantyhose and let them drip-dry! However . . . with all of this other detail, it seems like you'd tell me how long it takes to achieve tenderness. 7 minutes? 10 minutes? Until I have a delicious pot of beige goo?

Combine the soup mix, butter, 1/4 teaspoon salt, pepper, mustard, and milk in a saucepan.

Well, at least now I'm getting a better idea how much salt to use. Which would've been nice to know before I sent Junior off to the Salt Mines.

I'm still worried, though, about the cream of leek soup. What if I can't find it? Is French onion okay, if I add powdered milk to it? Wait, I don't have powdered milk. Nevermind, I have Cremora. So, if you don't have powdered cream of leek soup, substitute one envelope of French onion, and some Cremora.

Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until thickened.

The soup mix must have cementlike properties, because I cannot imagine how the rest of the ingredients are going to thicken into anything beyond milk.

Add the noodles, cottage cheese, applesauce, raisins, and 1/2 cup cheese and mix well.

Until this moment, I'd convinced myself that you just stirred the raisins into the applesauce and served them as a side dish. Nope.

Turn into a 2.5-quart baking dish and sprinkle with remaining cheese.

I know what this means, but I imagine someone waving a magic wand over this concoction and transforming it into pyrex. I'd be more likely to eat pyrex.

Bake in 350-degree oven for about 3 minutes or until bubbly.

I am truly convinced that this recipe was the inspiration for the dinner made by Jenny Meyer. "It has raisins in it. You like raisins."